This is the true story of a marriage gone bad and then redeemed.   Jeff and Cheryl  Scruggs seemed to have it all – professional success, adorable children, and a good marriage.  But like so many other couples like them the Scruggs lacked a connection on a deep intimate soul level.   After many attempts to let Jeff know there were problems, Cheryl thought she had found what she was missing through a relationship with another man.  The Scruggs marriage ended in divorce. During their 7 years apart, Cheryll came to know Christ and Jeff renewed his commitment to Christ.   Eventually they were remarried.

This first part of this story plays itself out, hundreds of times every day.  Couples in this situation need to know that there is hope and the story can have a happy ending.  This book proves it and also provides reach insight into how to save a broken marriage and how to make a good marriage better.

This is the best book I have ever read on the subject of anger.  It is simple and very practical.  Ingram helps us to see that anger is simply a signal, a warning sign that something is not right.  Often times we   spend most of our time dealing with the signal rather than the underlying cause.   This would be like trying to get the oil light repaired on your car instead of realizing that you are low on oil.

The most helpful part of this book for me was the way he indentifies the three main ways that we express anger.   We are either spewers (we explode), stewers (we stuff it, pretend we are not angry) or we are leakers.  Leakers express anger by being critical, sarcastic, and/or backstabbing.  Sometimes they can even use humor as a way of expressing anger.   I have often said that I do not have a problem with anger simply because I am not a spewer.  Reading this book help me see that I am a leaker.

Ingram, gives very practical steps to help us learn how to express anger in a constructive manner.   He does this for each of the three primary ways that we express anger.

This is a great book.  I think anyone could benefit from reading it.

Dr. Marti Olsen Laney is well qualified to write this book since she herself is introverted.  According to her research only about 25% of us are introverted.   I am not one of those people.  My purpose in reading the book was to gain a greater appreciation for those who are and to learn to relate to introverts in a more effective manner.

The book includes a quickie quiz to help you determine if you are an introvert.  For instance introverts…

            Prefer to relax alone with a few close friends

            Consider only deep relationships as friends

            Appear calm, self contained and like to observe

            Don’t like feeling rushed

            Tend to think before they speak

There is a much more extensive self assessment in the book as well.

Part of the reason Dr. Olson wrote this book is to clear up some misconceptions about introverts.  For instance, we often think of introverts as being unsociable.  The fact is they are very sociable but in a different way.  They prefer close friendships and deep conversations over chit chat.

Introverts will discover that they are in good company.  Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jordan, Thomas Edison, Laura Bush, Bill Gates, Harrison Ford, and Diane Sawyer are just a few of the famous introverts.

I enjoyed reading The Introvert Advantage.  I can truly say that it helped me reach my intended goal of learning more about introverts and how to relate to them.

This weekend at FOTP we will continue the Homelife series.  This Sunday’s message is The Master Bedroom.  By applying simple Biblical principles, every couple can improve their marriage.

As I shared with our people last week, today we have access to a wealth of information that can help us build healthy families.  My philosophy has always been that someone out there has already done this and I am going to learn from them. 

While I have some books listed here on my blog that Pat and I have found helpful, I thought it would be a good idea to list all of those plus some, so here you go:

For Women Only and For Men Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn – These short books based on extensive research, give concise practical steps for improving your marriage.

Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus by John Gray – It is hard to believe that this book came out in 1997.  While it is not written from a Christian perspective, it is still one of the most helpful books I have ever read.  It is a bit long and not for the fainthearted.

His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley – In an easy to read concise fashion this book helps husbands and wives give each other what they need.  The book has been out for 15 years but the information is still right on target showing that the basic needs of men and women don’t change over time.

7 Things He’ll Never Tell You (but you need to know) by Dr. Kevin Leman – Written with a very humorous syle, this book gives wives keen insight into how their husband thinks.

The DNA of Relationships by Dr. Gary Smalley – Reading this book will give you the whys and hows of the marriage relationship.  His insights are based on 5 years of research and have shown an amazing 90 percent success rate in resolving conflict.

This morning I spoke at FOTP as we continued the ABC’s of Financial Success series.  I mentioned this book by Dave Ramsey in my message.   Dave has been used to help tens of thousands of people become debt free. 

This book will help you have a reality check in regards to your finances.  It is filled with inspiring testimonies of people who have taken Dave’s advice and have truly experienced a total money makeover.

Dave’s website is www.daveramsey.com He can be heard Monday through Friday from 1-4 on KLIF Radio at 570 AM.

This short easy to read book by Andy Stanley is a great book for Christians who are struggling to take the step to begin tithing.  He contrasts the difference between “fearful” giving and cheerful “giving.”

One of my favorite lines from the book; “As a pastor, I see two kinds of givers: people who give what’s left over, and people who give off the top and live on what’s left over.”

I firmly believe that financial giving is the stumbling block that hinders more Christians from maturity than any other challenge.  God can definitely use this book to help someone get past that hurdle.

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High by Kerry Patterson is a very practical book that is applicable for business as well family relationships.  I have used the information in this book to help families learn how to discuss challenging issues and I have used it in training people in the corporate world as well.

This book is not written from a spiritual perspective. However, I believe that there are solid Biblical principles that are the foundation for the reasons why what is taught in this books works.  Learning how to stay in the “safe zone” during crucial conversations is absolutely a life skill that everyone needs to master. 

Boiling Point – Understanding Men and Anger by Stephen Arterburn takes a hard look at the roots, realities, and results of masculine anger.  He gives constructive steps that will help a man learn to cope with his anger as well as practical steps for a wife to help her husband on this journey.

This is the best book I have read on this subject.  It not only has given me insight to help others, it was very insightful as far as my own life is concerned.

In Gary Smalley’s book, The DNA of Relationships he states that how we feel about life boils down to how we feel about relationships.  We are designed for relationships.  It is a part of our relational DNA.

The most important concept I learned from this book was how to recognize and avoid the fear dance.  If you read it and this all you get out of the book it will be worth it.  This one concept has helped me to have a better marriage and healthier relationships in all aspects of my life.

His Needs Her Needs – Building an Affair Proof Marriage by William Harley is a great book for a couple to work through together.  As is the case with most books I recommend it is another of those easy to read books – very practical and straightforward.

After years of counseling couples who were going through marriage difficulties Dr. Harley decided to stop concentrating on what was wrong with marriages and instead focus on what was right.  He wanted to help couples to focus on restoring love rather than resolving conflict.

You can’t go wrong with this book.  If you are having difficulties in your marriage this book can help.  If you have a great marriage reading this book will make it better.